Prisoner

I am a prisoner of happiness . I have a broken heart for years and I started to open my heart again to try my luck in love last 3 months ago. It was a great feeling considering that it has been so long since i experienced the feeling of how to love and to be loved again.

It was so magical , full of love and beautiful experiences .  And i realized " greatness comes to those who wait" . I have hesitations at first. My mind said "No" but my heart said " Give it a try" and so I followed my heart again :(

We started chatting in messenger, getting to know more each other in texts and spending more time over the phone as we go along. We started talking about our likes and dislikes , then our favorites , hobbies then later on we started discussing things about relationships.

She was that time in a new and yet shaky  relationship . She started sharing her sentiments about her partner and i gave her my sympathy. 

As the time goes by we feel so connected even when we are far away from each other.

We fell in love and we started a relationship. She gave me an assurance that I won't be broken again and that we will have a beautiful future together and that our relationship will last forever ( though I know nothing lasts forever). 

We invested so much time , love and effort in our relationship. We had a good communication . Schedule was somewhat  a problem but we were able to fix it. 

We had good times and shared good memories. When we had a vacation ,we went to places we dreamed of visiting and we used to talked about before . We had one of the best dates that we could ever think of ( Seaside , in the park , in the train , in side the ferry's wheel . etc. ) and ate our favorite foods ( of course Pizza,burger,pasta ) . We shared headset and listened to music ( one of our hobbies) . It was a wonderful feeling when we were together . We always hold each other's hand  and kiss and hug each other (every time we feel like doing it - which i think is very sweet). She  makes me feel I was so special .She makes me feel I was everything .She promised me she's never leave me. I believed her and let my self fall  hard.I gave  her my heart . She told me that she would always choose me and would always love me. 

I was so happy because I met someone like her. Loving , sweet , understanding she was . 

Until one day .... she broke my heart and she was not the same person I met and I'd been before.  I got my heart back in pieces and realized what she promised me was all a lie. 

I was the one who was there for her when no one else was. I was the one who took her bullshit . I was the one who stuck around even when everyone tole me to leave. If i knew hurting was going to be a part of my life, I never would have let her in.  

Loving is inevitable as well as getting hurt . We chose to be hurt the moment we decided to start loving.  

Pain changes people. She hurts me . She makes me trust less, overthink more and shut people out. 

Now I am giving up on love. No love , no pain . If only i can take my heart out to not experience this kind of pain again I definitely would. 

Love is fair : We love and be loved and get hurt in the end. 

No happy ending .